Three ghosts walk into a bar
by Daringdoublebassist
Summary: "How many of us can you see?" Quil asked, agape. "Four." She answered, mildly. "And how do we look to you?" "Half-naked," The girl rolled her eyes and stalked back towards the bar. "Get dressed!"


"Three ghosts walk into a bar…" Quil snickered to himself, letting open the catch on the backdoor. The interior of the bar practically screamed 'trying to impress'. It was dingy, but with just the right amount of fresh décor to avoid the clichéd description of seedy.

Despite weaving between waitresses and customers, and standing at over a foot above the rest, no-one seemed to notice him. In fact, one person even stepped through him. Quil watched the woman shudder with an invisible chill and pull her cardigan closer to her skin.

"This could be the start of something great, can you just imagine?"

"Cool it, hotshot." Levi scratched at shaved head, and rolled misty eyes at the behaviour. "Anyway, there's four of us – here comes The Cub."

"Ah yes, little Joshie."

"I don't know why we had to come back at the ages we first phased." Joshua Uley returned to the Earth with about as much consequence as he left it. If anyone of them were to have died shouting, it was bound to have been him. "I made it to 84 years old – more than any one of you!" It was as though he had just stepped out of thin air, and brought with him a ripple in time that would rattle any window in its frame. The door slammed behind him.

One patron of the bar reacted. He turned to his buddy, "Wind's picking up."

"Why are we even here?" Josh continued, kicking at a chair leg and throwing himself into one of the empty booths. "Nobody can see us. We'll never get served."

"If we did, do you think we would be able to drink?" Levi mused. He stretched out one long arm to reach over a patron's shoulder and snagged their beer. The glass was to his lips and he was sucking it down before anyone could react.

"Put that back, Levi!" Ephraim regarded his companion warily. He caught a mutter on the rippling breeze. "I don't care if it's watered down. We may be invisible, but that doesn't give you the right to steal."

"Ever the voice of reason, Eph."

"Don't be insubordinate, Joshua."

The two glared at each other. They had been at odds in their human lives also.

"I just like the music," Quil murmured, joining Joshua in the booth. He bopped his head along to the beat, and smiled as a woman's voice took them away to a land of golden barley. He smirked lazily at the others. "Let's hope nobody tries to sit in us."

"But why a bar?" Ephraim moved to take a seat. "Do you think one of our descendants works here?"

"I'm sure that will be revealed in due course, Eph." Levi wiggled his bulk into a seat. "The Gods sent us here, it's for us to work out why."

It seemed to Quil as if they did not have long to wait. A young waitress had caught his eye, or rather, he had caught hers. She bustled towards them, frowning, brandishing a wash cloth and spray-can.

"Oh, here goes." Levi snorted. "Who do you reckon she'll attack first?"

"We don't tend to spray customers." The girl told him, silencing the chortles. "But we do have a dress code, and you guys need to get changed or get out."

She missed the way their pupils blew wide, and their jaws dropped. Joshua even choked on the air he didn't have to breathe.

"Are you talking to us?" Levi ventured, timidly. His eyes darted from her face, to the other patrons, to the jukebox flashing in a corner. He cocked his head at her in surprise.

"Do you see any other half-naked guys in this bar? Yes, I am talking to you!" She gave the table a cursory wipe, before surveying the group once more.

"How many of us can you see?" Quil asked, agape.

"Four." She answered, mildly.

"And how do we look to you?" Ephraim's curiosity broke free before the others could find words to respond.

"Half-naked." The girl rolled her eyes and stalked back towards the bar, calling over her shoulder "Get dressed!"

The stillness that followed the encounter was one of profound confusion. Ephraim spoke first, selecting the most enthralling question.

"Who is that girl? How can she see us?"

Levi, second to recover, opted for a more practical query.

"Can we change our clothing?"

"Maybe she is a descendant." Joshua answered Ephraim's question.

"Call her over," Quil told Levi.

Levi obligingly raised his hand to wave at the girl. Now stacking clean glasses, she huffed and added a final piece to her tower.

"We don't have anything to wear." Quil advised her, when she had abandoned her work. "What do you suggest?" He deeply hoped she wouldn't throw them out; he was in luck.

"Oh, well then, I'll get you our promo t-shirts. You can wear them and rep the bar."

"To whom," Joshua hissed under his breath, "Other ghostly spectres?" He regarded her cockily and asked "Do we get free drinks for being your promo guys?"

"Huh, yeah, sure!" The girl pronounced, before returning to the table with bits of lurid green material, and a tray of cups.

Joshua snatched one and took a gulp. His eyebrows raised, and nose wrinkled. "This is water?"

"I'm sorry. You didn't specify!" The girl flicked her hair and left the men to their fluorescent abominations.

Joshua eyed the glasses miserably, but Ephraim giggled as he poked his head through a neck hole.

"This girl is cool."

Quil, clad in his new shirt, took the opportunity of a lull in customers to approach the bar. The girl watched him; her large hazel eyes were flecked with green and sparkled in the bar-haze. Brown tresses curled over her shoulders. She wasn't obviously tan-skinned.

"Whiskey, please."

She planted a glass on the bar top, and quoted a price. He necked it before paying.

"Uh… Is this Monopoly-money?"

"Nope."

"Boss!" She turned to an older man in an apron. "Is this money real?"

He shuffled over, and took the bill. "I'd say so. Last week one of these bills was sold for $300 at an auction house up-state." His gaze flew over the sparsely populated bar. "Who gave you this? Do they want to swap it out?"

Quil shook his head and grinned to her, "No. Keep it. It's all I have."

"He says we can have it." The girl stared, before looking to her boss.

"Wow." The boss commented. "Well, good work kiddo! Your bonus will reflect this!"

"Are you sure?" She asked Quil again, once the boss had moved on.

"I have already drunk my whiskey," He responded.

* * *

 _A/N_

The first chapters of this story were originally uploaded to AO3. I intend to continue the story on this site. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!

[Also, generic fanfiction disclaimer].


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